Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
