Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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