Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
