you turned your livingroom into a bong?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
