so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
