I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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