the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
