apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
