1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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