So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
