You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
