so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
