my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
