if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's blow job season.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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