Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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