hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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