your room smells of hookers.
And success
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
