Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
