I love black thongs
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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