He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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