Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
