Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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