Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
