You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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