and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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