remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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