Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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