I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
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