Sry I called you an 8
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
