Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
