the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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