"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
