you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There r osticjed everywhere
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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