Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
