Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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