You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
