i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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