I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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