I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
