just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Houston, we have a blender
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
