If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
