One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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