just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
