Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
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I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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