tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
