Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
