so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
