did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
