You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
