i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
