I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Someone shit on the floor
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I did not marry a roomba.
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