i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
