It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
