You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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