I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize