He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
