Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
