when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
