I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
