Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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