We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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